Monday, September 1, 2008

There's a Speech in That!

There’s a Speech in That!

One day, I was having a discussion with a fellow Toastmaster who is my “Mentee” when she said, “I can’t think of anything to give a speech about!” I was flabbergasted! I went on to tell her about the list of speech topics I continually add to every week. I am a list person and I am always adding to my list of speech topics. In discussions with my wife or friends, I am known to frequently say, “There’s a speech in that!”

I want to tell you how to build a list of speech topics and tell you where they can come from. Beware, you are going into a different dimension, I place where the unusual is the norm. That’s right; you are getting a peek inside Phil’s head. Be afraid, be very afraid!


One of my favorite TV shows is Seinfeld. I remember the time that Jerry and George went to NBC to sell their idea of a “Show about Nothing”. George asked the network executive what he did today and he said he had a bagel and then went for a workout. George said, “That’s a show”. That is what comedians do. They take the ordinary, find humor in it and point out the humor. For Toastmasters, we can take the ordinary, find the humor in it, point it out and add a little life lesson to go with it. We give the audience a life lesson, inspiration, a sweet story or a reminder to add to society each day.

That brings me to my first point, an article in the Toastmasters magazine; A-B-C. Always be collecting. Collect ideas, articles, web-pages and addresses. Keep a running list of possible topics to speak on. These ideas are like seeds in the fertile ground of your mind. Eventually, one will burst forth from the ground and grow to the point it consumes your thoughts and you just have to get in front of the audience and get it out of your head.

Where do the ideas come from? What did you do today? I went down to the DMV and tried to get a license plate for my car. Did I get it? No, instead I got high blood pressure, almost had a mini stroke and got an idea for a speech. I also learned I need to control my temper and not let others set me off. No one should be able to cause that kind of distress in another. I learned to own the problem and not the DMV. It was hard work but I learned from it. I’ll tell you one thing though, when the revolution comes, they may be the first ones up against the wall!

Write down your dreams. I once had a dream that a doughnut was eating me! Now there’s got to be a speech in that, somewhere! Perhaps dreams flow from the subconscious to the conscious and also from the conscious to the subconscious. Dreams can be a source of great insight and they should be shared, some of them anyway!

Theme speeches, when writing down ideas, see if there is a common theme. You may come up with a series of speeches relating to a particular subject or type of speech. Some speeches may become too long and you may need to break them up into a series.

Watermarks in speeches. In every episode of Seinfeld, there is some reference to superman, the superman story, a character or connection to the TV series. “That’s the question Jimmy, that’s the question.” I like to install a phrase from Seinfeld in my speeches or find a way to insert a doughnut in them. That makes me laugh.

Props speeches. Speeches about your junk drawer and the justification for being a pack rat. By golly, I just love a hat speech or someone talking about their shoes! I once heard a member of my Toastmasters club say something I will never get over, “I have shoes in my closet I’ve never worn.” Learning effective use of props is a skill we can all use.

Types of speeches,
Book report, a book report speech should not tell the story but tell how you reacted to the story and entice the listener to want to read the book. Tease them with the drama, humor, mystery until they come to you later and say, “Thanks, because of you I was up all night reading that book!”
You can try out your Technical speeches for work on your Toastmasters club audience. It is good to work out the kinks prior to going before the bosses!
Your experiences are a great source of material for a speech. Did something happen to you which made you grow? Did you have a revelation as a result of your experiences? Tell your fellow Toastmasters.
Music appreciation. How on earth can you feel comfortable bringing music into a speech? I saw a fellow member bring in her CD player and give us an enlightening speech on classical music and played a few verses for us. It inspired me to give a speech on Meat Loaf’s music which inspired another member to speak on his favorite group, Creme.

Outline for the speech. When outlining your speech consider;
What is the problem?
What is the situation?
What is the issue?
How ridiculous was it?
What is funny about it?
What can you learn from it?
That may very well be the basis for your next talk.
So here is your assignment. You should never run out of speech topics if you do the following:

ABC. Always be collecting. Ideas for speeches are everywhere. Write them all down, no matter how far flung the idea.
Look for the story in everything you do. Find the message you should share with others.
Once you have gotten a few speeches or manuals behind you, look on your “speech creation” in terms of connecting speeches together either by themes or threads.
Have fun. Getting the creative juices flowing is a wonderful way to live and to learn.
Don’t be afraid to steal. Emulate others, pick out the good points others have and remold them to be your own.

Recently a club member told of the power and rush he gets from speaking in Toastmasters. I want to tell you there is also power in the growing of an idea into a speech.

You will never do everything you dream of going but you will rarely do anything without first dreaming of it. I hope you dream and I hope you dream big!
Then I hope you come and tell us about it!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

When You’re an Evaluator

Back to Basics; When You’re an Evaluator


Opening:
When we are scheduled to be an evaluator, we are responsible for giving feedback to a speaker on how their speech came across to us. Was it effective? If so, what made it effective? What about the speech could be improved? How would our suggestions improve the speech? Our feedback to the speaker is important. Our feedback is the foundation for the speaker making their next speech even more effective. As humans we all strive for continuous improvement.

Today we will examine:
1. How to evaluate a speech,
2. The responsibilities of the evaluator,
3. The importance of receiving feedback.

Body:
The Toastmaster’s manual on evaluation states, “Each of us is an evaluator. From our first cup of coffee in the morning until our last yawn at night we are constantly evaluating the people and things around us. It is hoped that, through this method of constructive evaluation, we may be able to improve the environment in which we live.”

“Your goal as an evaluator is to provide honest reaction to the speaker’s presentation in a constructive manner, utilizing prescribed guides.”

For the benefit of both the evaluator and the speaker, it is helpful for newly joined Toastmasters members to get some experience prior to evaluating more seasoned members. Newer members however can evaluate Icebreaker speeches. I believe they can become comfortable if they are just one speech in the manual ahead of the person they are evaluating. The information should be fresh to them.

Let’s get down to the nuts and bolts of evaluating. When assigned the job of evaluating you may want to talk to the speaker ahead of time to find out which project they are working on and what specifics (if any) the speaker wants you to look for.

I would recommend you confirm your assignment with the Master Evaluator to make sure your assignment has not changed. You may think this should be the speaker’s responsibility but if you want to be prepared, contact the speaker in advance to be prepared. Read the evaluation in advance so you are ready to listen to the speech and know what to focus on.

As an evaluator your purpose is;
1. To determine the effects of a speaker’s performance on you.
2. Give a description of the specific impact of the speech.
3. Provide suggestions for improvement of the speech. What could they do to make the speech more effective?
4. Your goal is to give feedback effectively. If you can get across feedback for improvement, you as an evaluator are well on your way to being an effective communicator too.
5. Remember you are not judging the person or the ideas presented, you are giving feedback on how effective you saw the presentation.
6. To encourage the speaker in a way that allows them to take something away to work on and improve next time.
7. Let the speaker know that your responses reflect how you saw, felt and responded to them not concrete rules of speaking. Our job as speakers and evaluators is to communicate effectively to each other and audiences.
8. If you are confused by the speech, say so. If you liked it say so and say what you liked about it.
9. Think of your feedback as open handed instead of close handed, “You could do this to make your speech more effective” versus “Never, ever do this!”

When the speaker begins their speech, stay focused on the speaker. Evaluating is about listening. I like to take notes during the speech on a separate sheet of paper and then fill out the evaluation form once the speaker is finished. I usually wait until all speakers are finished then I fill out the form.

When it comes time to give the evaluation, I like to review the purpose and objectives of the project the speaker was delivering.
1. Cover the points of the evaluation,
a. Point out what was effective,
b. Point out areas for improvement,
c. Point out how the improvements would make the speech more effective.
2. Was the speaker prepared?
3. Was the presentation organized?
4. Was the delivery effective?
5. How effective was the closing? If there is a weak part of a speech, it is the close. How well did the speaker close?

Speaking of feedback, a word about the sandwich method of feedback. Many people like this form of giving feedback. I don’t like it. The sandwich method is to put a point of negative feedback between two positive points like a sandwich.

I think of the sandwich method in this way. A speaker has completed their speech and is in a state of vulnerability. Using the sandwich method, the evaluator picks them up with positive feedback, slaps them back down with a negative comment and then picks them up again. For me it is too plastic and the speaker rides up and down and up again not really going anywhere. A good evaluation will inspire the audience and motivate the speaker to improve even more.

Conclusion
Being an evaluator helps us improve our listening skills. It also helps us improve our speaking skills as we must prepare and deliver an evaluation (a speech!) in a short period of time.

Being an evaluator challenges us to provide feedback for improvement in a way which will allow the speaker to improve their communication skills to be more effective next time.

It also challenges us to provide feedback in a positive manner.

When you get the assignment to evaluate a speaker;
· Be prepared.
· Listen.
· Give constructive feedback on the effectiveness of the speaker’s communication skills.
· Build up the speaker’s confidence and inspire them to keep improving.

This world of ours needs effective communicators. As an evaluator you can become one and help a fellow toastmaster become one as well.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

When your the Tabletopics Master!

Title of Speech: Back to the Basics: When you are the Table Topics Master!
====================================

(Opening: To capture the audience's attention).

Fellow Toastmasters (TM) and guest. I wish to review the points necessary for being a good Tabletopics Master (TT) during our Toastmaster meetings. After the speeches are given comes the time in the meeting when the table topics are presented.
This time serves several purposes:
· It allows time for the evaluators to fill out their evaluations and prepare to deliver the evaluation which is in itself a speech.
· It allows us to hone our skills in speaking “off the cuff”.
· It is also entertaining!

In my presentation, I will talk about the table topics role by breaking it down into several parts;
· Preparation 1
· Preparation 2
· Presentation
· Closing.

(Body: Points to support the Opening)

· Preparation 1 Before the meeting, Coming up with the questions. I have said many times in TMs that whenever I am the Tabletopics Master, I take a blank sheet of paper and I write across the top, News, Weather and Sports. I also write “Seasonal”, “I remember” and “If only I could…” These topics and headings give me the inspiration to come up with the questions. I usually prepare 8 to 10 questions for our meetings. Write open ended questions.

· Preparation 2 Immediately prior to the meeting, During the beginning of our meeting, I note who is speaking and who is evaluating. Since evaluators are off limits for questions (as they are busy preparing the evaluations) and speakers have had one opportunity during the meeting already, everyone else is fair game, perhaps including the guest. Guests are tricking! Some may not want to be called on yet, others may enjoy the challenge. My rule is never to call on a guest unless I know the experience will not scare them away from Toastmasters. Remember, table topics are scary for seasoned TMs. One other key preparation step is to make sure you select folks without a job first to get the broadest participation by those present.


· Presentation; asking the questions. Once asked to the lectern, the Tabletopics Master (TT)’s job is to introduce the question, the subject, etc. and solicit an answer, opinion or response. The key for me is to always introduce the question and then look the “victim” in the eyes and call out their name. As participants answer the question, listen to their answer and lead the applause once they are finished. Avoid facial expressions which are negative should you disagree to the answer of a political question. You are not to judge the answer, just solicit it and encourage the participant.

· Closing the Tabletopics. Cut off the questions promptly at the designated time [it’s 7:45 for my TM club (if 3 speakers are on the schedule)] or as directed by the TM of the day. You don’t need to use all your questions and you want to leave time for the rest of the meeting so we can end without feeling rushed out of the room. Call for a timer’s report. That is part of your job as well. After the timer’s report, ask members and guest to vote for the best Table Topic participant. Now turn the lectern back over to the TM of the Day.




(Conclusion, summary of points)

To fulfill the role of table topics master takes:

· Preparation in composing the questions and deciding whom to ask the questions
· Presentation, introducing the subjects, calling on participants and leading the applause once they are finished.
· Calling for the timer’s report and soliciting the votes.
· Turning the lectern back over to the TM of the day.
· Being called on for table topics is the most dreaded tasks even of seasoned Toastmasters (TMs). This is probably because it is the hardest to master. We don’t improve by accident, we improve on purpose. When you are called on to be the Table topics master, remember you are in a sense leading a discussion, a discussion designed to improve the audience.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

When you are the Toastmaster of the Day

Toastmaster's Speech

Type of Speech: Speak with Knowledge

From: Phil Brady

Date: July, 1, 2008

Title of Speech: Back to Basics; When you are the Toastmaster of the Day!


Opening:
When we are the Toastmaster of the Day, we are responsible for running the meeting. What does that mean? It means preparation, presentation and evaluation. These are the 3 cornerstones of Toastmasters.

Preparation is planning the meeting in advance. Contacting the participants and making sure they accept their role and will be prepared.

Presentation is starting the meeting and advancing the agenda while watching the clock. Our club has the challenge of making sure we are out of here exactly at 8 a.m. If we don’t leave on time, our brothers who meet after us will let us know. In other words, failure to hit our schedule does not constitute a schedule adjustment for those who follow us. They just barge right in whether we are finished or not. You can’t buy that kind of motivation in a volunteer group!

Evaluation is reflecting on how the meeting went and determining what improvements would make your role as Toastmaster of the Day better, easier or less stressful next time.


Body:
Let’s look at preparation. I like to begin preparing for my role as Toastmaster of the Day at the end of the previous meeting. I do this by paying close attention to the review of next week’s schedule and noting those who are present to see if they accept their role, need a replacement and who volunteers to be the replacement.

Our club is good about sending out next week’s agenda via email ASAP after the last meeting. This gives everyone plenty of time to know their assignment and to be prepared. Our email instructions are simple; Speakers, TT, WJM, HS and ME are expected to confirm their assignment to the TM. The other participants; Evaluators, Ah Counter, Grammarian, Timer and Greeter should confirm to the ME.

As Toastmaster of the Day, I like to contact my speakers via email or phone even if they were at the last meeting just to double check on their participation. I ask them how long their speeches are so I am not surprised Tuesday morning with a 20 minute speech for which I wasn’t prepared. I also remind them to bring me an introduction.

Once my speakers have confirmed their assignment, the TT & WJM are on board I inform the ME how many speakers we have and who they are. The schedule changes so much the ME needs to know this in case they want to reassign evaluators based on the experience level of participants.

Now that the ME has parlayed with me, we have completed our advance preparation. Unless I get a change before the meeting, all systems are GO! I now have the “just prior to meeting” preparation to do. This is a very important step.

At the meeting, arrive early to gather up introductions of the speakers. Read these to insure you can read the person’s handwriting and/or become familiar with their words and phrases. Check with the WJM, TT and ME to make sure they are ready. If there is a hiccup, now is the time to call on the HS to fill in. Once you have touch base with the participants and adjusted to changes, you are ready to go!

The Sergeant of Arms will open the meeting and introduce the president who will make announcements and then introduce you. You may want to provide the president with an introduction of your own. Once you are introduced, take possession of the lectern and begin your role in the meeting by greeting your fellow members and working down the agenda.

I like to use a worksheet agenda when I am Toastmaster of the Day. It has the agenda items and notes to remind me what to do when. From here on, the TM’s role is to introduce the participants, relinquish the lectern, take it back when it is handed off to you and lead the applause.

When it is time for Tabletopics, instruct the TT master to cut off the questions at 7:45 to allow time for the evaluations. After evaluations, call for a review of next week’s schedule while the votes are counted and the WJM fills out the award cards. After handing out the awards, turn the meeting back over to the president.

Once the meeting is over, reflect on how well the meeting went and what (if anything) you could do to improve it next time.


Conclusion:
The role of Toastmaster of the Day is 85% preparation and 15% execution. Advanced planning and a good agenda will help you hone your skills as Toastmaster of the Day. This is one of the valuable skills that can be transferred to everyday life in work, church or civic organizations. The role of emcee, facilitator or leader is usually up for grabs and your stepping into it can make a difference in any organization.

Be prepared, stay on your agenda and most important, SMILE! These are the keys to successful Toastmaster of the Day.



Mr. (or Madame) Toastmaster.


Toastmaster of the Day, Meeting Planner and Agenda


7:00 a.m. Pledge of Allegiance.

7:02 a.m. Greeting and announcements by president.

7:06 a.m. Introduction of Toastmaster of the Day.

7:08 a.m. Introduce the WJM: ___________________________

7:10 a.m. Introduce the ME who will introduce their staff: ___________

7:12 a.m. Introduce speaker #1: ____________________

Please take a moment to write a note for the speaker.

Introduce speaker #2: ________________________

Please take a moment to write a note for the speaker.

Introduce speaker #3: _______________________

Please take a moment to write a note for the speaker.

Call for a timer’s report.

~7:32 a.m. Introduce the Table topics Master: ___________________

7:45 a.m. Call for a timer’s report.

7:46 a.m. Introduce the Master Evaluator: _____________________

7:55 a.m. Call for a timer’s report.

7:56 a.m. Go over next week’s schedule.

7:58 a.m. Hand out awards.

7:59 a.m. Turn the meeting back over to the president.

8:00 a.m. Adjourn.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Burnt Toast!

“Here’s to those who wish us well…and all the rest can go to”…Well! Probably not a good toast! In fact, anytime cursing is in a toast it’s not appropriate. There are other faux pas in toasting and I want to explore them with you.

As members of Toastmasters International, the public speaking club, we are expected to deliver a good toast. We rarely have this opportunity but people expect this of us. The world assumes we are masters of the toast so we have an image we need to uphold.

Think about some of the toast you have witnessed and the locations where they occurred. Weddings, retirements and celebrations for other milestones of life are times when we have toasted someone or heard others toasting.

According to Rabbi Marc Gellman, “A wedding toast should be egoless, true and brief. Most are exactly the opposite.” The point of a wedding toast is to wish the bride and groom well and ask God to bless their marriage. There is no need to tell the dirt of the lovely couple. Don’t say, “David, remember that time in Tijuana when we partied with three sisters all named Juanita?” The groom doesn’t want to hear that anymore than the bride or even the Juanitas!

Toasting is where toastmaster skills come into play. Write out the toast completely. Even if you memorize it, write it out and keep it on the table in front of you in case you need it. If you rely on your memory, you may lose the best part of the toast in the heat of the moment or your brain may cause you to extemporize at the last minute missing your well crafted points. Rabbi Gellman suggests one half page of text (14-point font) as the limit for a toast.

When I married my lovely wife Patty seven years ago, my son was the best man. I think he still is! As the best man, he was responsible for offering a toast at the reception when the Champagne was served. I want to analyze young Phillip’s toast;

First, he introduced himself to the room full of guest,
Then he welcomed one and all to the reception,
He welcomed Patty into our family,
Turning to Patty’s family, he said, “Our family is honored to be joining the Mills family.”
Finally he asked everyone to raise their glasses, “To the bride and groom!”

That’s my boy, a chip off the old block. It was a great toast!

Sometimes we don’t see great toast. Sometimes we see bad toast.

I remember going to a wedding where the groom’s brother stood up to give the toast. To say the boy was drunk doesn’t accurately describe his condition. The young man was tore up! Slurring his words, leaning left to right, hanging on the groom and the bride he went on and on. Then the crying started along with personal testimony of how they took him in when no one else would and that he didn’t blame them for kicking him out later on. Burnt toast! Bad toast!

Once I attended a wedding and the father of the groom got up to give a toast and began to get philosophical about his boy and how proud he was of him even when he and his mother didn’t always agree with his choices. Didn’t agree with his choices? Let’s just take the bride outside and kick the crap out of her right now! I grabbed a butter knife off the table in case we had to fight our way out of the reception. We survived but it was close!

For a good toast, preparation is essential.

The key points of a good wedding toast are;
“A wedding toast should be egoless, true and brief.”
Plan ahead. Write out the toast completely.
Introduce yourself and your relationship to the bride and the groom.
If you are speaking for the family, welcome everyone.
Wish the bride and groom well and ask God to bless their marriage.
Finally, I think it is okay to be instructional by saying, “Ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses To the Bride and Groom!”
Honoring the occasion and those being celebrated is what a good toast is all about. Careful planning and sober execution is needed for such occasions. Following these tips can help you honor the celebration. Raise your glasses and toast well!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

The Four Elements Essential to Man!

I have written this for women. Men of course can read this but this message is something they already know. I am not giving away some great secret about men, I am just revealing to you ladies some insight into what makes us tick. I want to talk about the four elements essential to man. I will not even keep you in suspense. The four elements are Earth, Wind, Fire and Water.


Earth, Wind, Fire and Water. That’s it! That’s the secret. We can all go home now. Not really. I want to explore these essential elements and tell you why they are so important.

A man needs to shape the earth. That’s why our forefathers starting cutting down trees as soon as we landed at Jamestown. We want to use the resources of the land and reshape our property. We plant trees, prune trees, move bushes and make “natural areas” in our yards. A man needs to get involved in the earth beneath his feet. Earth is one of the essential elements a man needs.

A man needs to feel the wind in his face. I like to ride with the windows down even on a hot summer day just to feel the warmth and wind against me. Men like to sail, drive convertibles, ride bikes, run or just stand facing the wind and lean into it. We like to challenge something bigger than ourselves and taunt it. That is one of the reasons you see men outside walking in a hurricane. You don’t see women outside walking around in a storm with 100 mph gust of wind. It’s usually a man who is walking around taunting the wind, leaning into it and hearing my wife say, “You need to come inside!”

A man needs to be near fire. Building a fire, stoking a fire, starting a fire, chopping wood. Fire is primeval for us. We go way back with fire. Our ancestors were responsible for keeping the family warm and we still claim that responsibility. We also like building a fire in a fireplace, grilling on the patio, burning trash in a barrel. I live in the county and want to put a barrel in the back yard for burning boxes, odd size limbs, construction wood, etc. I ask my lovely wife Patty what size barrel I could have to burn in and she say they don’t make them that small! So I have to settle for burning steaks and hamburgers on the grill and using the chimenia. Chimenia, what a sissy name for a fireplace!

Patty and I were having dinner with some friends; Roger and Topsy. I asked Roger how his week had been. He said it had been good and that he had gone to their place in the mountains for a few days of chores. He said he likes to go up there every couple of months and look the place over good, make any needed repairs and gather up all the dropped branches or fallen trees and burn off the brush. My eyes lit up as he said this! A real honest to God fire… in the woods! He said right before he was ready to light the fire, it began to drizzle. Just enough rain to wet the ground but not enough to dampen the fire. Now I was really excited! Just imagine how much fun it would be to help Roger burn a large pile of limbs and brush. The crackle of the fire and smell of the smoke getting into your clothes and pores and nose. Can you smell it?
I told Roger I could see myself out their in the slight rain, smelling the smoke, hearing the crackle of the fire, feeling the warmth of it. What would make it perfect would be about two fingers of Tennessee sipping whiskey in a red plastic Dixie cup. That’s heaven on earth!

Water is the fourth element and the easiest to understand. We are carried in water and born in water! We need it to live and we need it often. We use it for everything. Most humans live near water. We live near the ocean, creeks, lakes, rivers or access to them. It is calming to hear the babble of a brook, lapping of the waves against a pier or crashing against the shore.

To be on the water is to feel small, to feel challenged. Water can also be tamed and redirected. I was challenged in my neighborhood with storm water issues which we eventually solved. It was a great challenge but we tamed the flooding and solved the problem!

If you combine these four elements together, you have sailing, camping, and a host of outdoor activities that allow us to leave the comfort of our own homes for the “wilds” of nature and the challenge of taming nature. Today’s lifestyle has conquered most of our pioneer ancestor’s struggles. We have technologies which make easy work of the hardest tasks they had to do. What is still a challenge is the four elements which men need to feel like men.

So that is a brief description of the four elements essential to man. Next time you see a man, perhaps your man, “messin” with earth, wind, fire or water; don’t give him a hard time about it. If someone asks why he is doing what he is doing, just tell them he is dealing with the essential elements which make him a man. Tell them, “It’s a guy thing.”

Oh, by the way, there is one other element essential to man but I will save it for another time. That element is “The Fifth Element”.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Perfect Christmas Tree

One week in early December, my wife Patty and I went out to look for a Christmas tree. Every year we make this pilgrimage. We go out on a quest for the “perfect tree”. My lovely wife Patty is not a perfectionist but she does know perfection when she sees it. She is a shopper who will look at everything in the store to determine the perfect article.

I learned this about her when I proposed to her. When I popped the question, I did not give her a ring as I knew she would want input on the ring and I was right, for once! We looked at every ring in Wilmington and I was almost ready to hire some diamond mine workers to go looking in South Africa when she found one she couldn’t put down. Success at last!

So now we are off to find the perfect tree and we go to the tree lot at Pine Valley Methodist Church in Wilmington, NC where we have been successful for several years in a row. This has become a ritual for us. I’ve learned to take the tree stand with us so the guy can cut the bottom of the tree to fit the stand which makes it easier on me when we get it home.

So that is step one, get the tree stand, get in the truck and get to the tree lot. Step two is a little more labor intensive. Step two is to look at every tree on the lot and compare the attributes of the trees. Attributes you say? Yes, there are many attributes to a tree.

The attributes are:
· Height. Taller than me but not so tall it touches the ceiling,
· Shape. Full but not fat. Proportional in shape from bottom to top. Not like a weeble and not skinny at the top.
· Branches should be firm and holding strong.
· Moisture. Needles must be flexible and not so dry that they fall off in your hand.
· Color. Green with no brown patches.
· Scent. The tree should smell Christmassy!
· Dialog. It also helps if the tree actually says, “Buy me; I will make your house a Christmas Home!”

So here I am, picking up every tree on the lot, spinning them around and looking at the attributes. As we are doing this, I have an epiphany, a revelation! Here Patty and I are searching for the perfect tree for the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ and it hits me, just how much of an imperfect people we are searching for the perfect tree to honor the perfect man. Wow!

I further realize just how imperfect I would measure up if someone were picking me off of a lot like we are grading the trees in our selection. I am tall but my shape is not proportional. I have brown patches different than the rest of my skin. My needles are falling out. I am droopy and let’s just leave it at that. If I were a tree, would you buy me? Patty did!

But this is not my message. I am standing in the tree lot, spinning trees and I am struck by the savior’s love for us that as perfect as he was (and is) his compassion extends to the lowest of us, to me. The message is so simple and so clear to me that my feeble brain gets it right away.

As human beings we should strive for perfection!
We should encourage it,
We should demand it,
We should reward it,
We should promote it.
We should strive for perfection in ourselves, in our families, in our fellow man.

Yet while we are raising the bar, rising up to higher limits we should not decrease your span of tolerance of those who are imperfect. As our success increases, so should our compassion for those left behind, those less than perfect. So should our reach to those who are less fortunate, those who are in need.

The quest for the perfect tree may not lead to a perfect tree. That is okay because the quest is more important than the tree. The journey is more important than the destination. If I had talked Patty into picking the first tree we came to that day I would have missed a valuable lesson. I would have missed the humbling experience of how imperfect I measure up even to a good tree. I would have missed the reminder about the journey being more important than the destination.

I hope you enjoy the blessings of family and friends this holiday season. I hope you live richly and with warmth, happiness and love. I want you to know and be reminded often that God loves us all and wants us to love each other.

Remember that and remind others of this message when you see a PERFECT TREE!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Older Woman

As a high school junior, I considered myself no better or worse than my peers. I enjoyed school as much as a teenage boy could and life was routine. That was until I met The Older Woman!

I think every adolescent boy fantasizes about having a relationship with an older and experienced woman. Just a fantasy, a passing daydream and then forgotten right? WRONG!

In high school, I was pretty much a loner. I had friends and I enjoyed their company but I liked being by myself also. I had a job as the janitor at the church next to New Hanover High School so during my lunch break from school; I would go over to the church and do assorted chores so I could get home earlier in the afternoon.

For lunch everyday, I would walk down to the Krispy Kreme Doughnut Shop and buy a half-dozen doughnuts. That and a 16-ounce Coke and I was in business! I had a fairly simple life right? School, doughnuts, janitorial chores, school. Then one day, the cycle was shattered.

On an ordinary day, I was heading for the Krispy Kreme with nothing on my mind and nothing in my belly (kind of the way I was after eating half a dozen doughnuts).

I walked into the doughnut shop and there stood behind the counter a beautiful young woman! She was a new waitress and very enthusiastic! I looked at her smiling face, gave her my order and when I paid for the doughnuts, she curtsied as she said, “Thank you.” She was pretty!

I forgot about her though. I had doughnuts and a Coke. What more could a boy want? I was soon to find out what a boy, a teenage boy wanted.

The next day it was the same routine. There was school, lunch break and on my way to the doughnut shop. I walked in… and she was standing there with this big mischievous smile on her face and a bag of doughnuts in her hand. She said, "Six crullers right?" I stood there with the change rattling in my hand, very dumbfounded and said, "Right." I gave her the money, she said, “Thank you” and I left smiling also.

I walked about a block back toward my lunchtime chores thinking how sweet it was that she had my order ready and how pretty she was. Then I looked down at the bag of doughnuts in my hand and saw a phone number on the bag. Her phone number!

Now in high school, I was not naïve about the birds and the bees or the relationship between men and women…I WAS STEWWPID!

This older woman wanted me and she must have known I was stupid yet she wanted ME. I was going to learn about the birds and the bees, about the relationship between men and women from a beautiful older woman who wanted to teach me. A woman of the world! An experienced woman!
I would be the envy of my peers! Girls would notice my savoir-faire. I was bound for glory!!!!
Then it hit me. I was beginning to realize what all of this meant. I hadn't expected this attention, this tutoring. It was all happening too fast. This was too much, too soon! My head was spinning and my vision began to blur. I felt weak in my knees and it was suddenly getting dark. All this was happening while I was walking back to my job. I thought I was going to pass out so I grabbed a tree and tried to compose myself.

Now about this time, my older sister and some of her friends drove by on their way to lunch. They saw me and one of them said, "Penny, what is your brother doing standing there hugging that tree?" She didn't even look up. Her reply was, "He's seventeen! He's an idiot! Leave him alone."

I somehow made my way back to the church where I worked and I ate the doughnuts in the bag but I don't remember tasting anything. I was looking at the phone number and feeling excited and frightened about how my life was going to change.

Then I got scared! I was scared to call the number. I didn’t know her name but I had her phone number, proof positive she wanted me. Still I needed to know more. I decided I needed to know where she lived. Perhaps I needed to find out an impression of her from the look of her house. To make sure a motorcycle gang didn't live there and that she wasn't the leader's "main squeeze". I was uneducated in affairs of the heart. What was I going to do?

I decided I could look her number up in the phone book and get an address that way. It WAS a long shot. She may have an unlisted number. I was determined however to try. I decided I would start at the beginning and check every number in the Wilmington phone book until I found her phone number or got to the end of the book.

I got the phone book, opened it the page one and began going down the list of numbers. To my amazement, on the first page…on the first column… halfway down… was her number.

I said out loud, "THIS IS IT!" I ran my trembling finger over to the name and address. It was the ACE RED TOP CAB COMPANY. In a split second I came back to the real world. I realized what I was seeing. Someone needing a taxi had called information for the number and written it on the closest piece of paper which happed to be a doughnut bag. This bag became my doughnut bag.

All my dreams and fantasies evaporated like a puff of smoke and I was still STUPID about the birds and the bees, about women and I would remain that way a while longer.

That older woman made an impact on my life she never realized. I felt foolish, humble and safe again. Sometimes when I get too cocky, I think about the older woman and I remember how human I really am and this valuable lesson I learned so easily.

Let's look on the bright side! The lesson could have been much harder to learn. The phone number (which I was so determined to find) instead of being the Ace Red Top Cab Company could have belonged to the ZEBRA TAXI SERVICE!

Phil Brady

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Inlet and the Beach

I was taking vacation day from work to have a “quiet day”. My spiritual growth class at church takes these days once a season to reflect. We have very specific rules to follow and are encouraged to leave home for the day and find a quiet place away from phones, chores, housework left undone. We are to go away if possible from the everyday world and be quiet.

We pray, we think, we listen, we don’t make a sound.

For my day I decided to go to Wrightsville Beach and be quiet. I took a beach chair, my Bible, my journal and settled in to be quiet. Once I got into my checklist and finished with my readings, I got quiet and almost nodded off.

To wake up, I took a walk down to the inlet at the north end and looked out at the ocean as I went. When I got to the inlet, I found a spot that had a deep drop off and squatted down at the edge of the water. I was amazed at what I found!

Looking into the water, I could see deep down the steep bank and I marveled at the life that existed. The current flowed out and minnows swam by, sometimes remaining stationary as they fought maintained their position against the current.

All sorts of creatures you usually cannot see in the surf were present. I parade of life flowing through the inlet. The water swirled about and I realized that God has truly made a wonderful world!

I left this place and began to walk back to my chair. Along the shore I walked over dead reeds, trash, shells and all sorts of junk. Everything was dead and the contrast to the inlet was revealing to me.

The sea throws up the dead on the shore. Life fights the waves to remain in the sea but the dead cannot.

It occurred to me that unlike this reflection, we as humans are saved not by our ability to fight the current but by our God. We cannot live on our own and that is why we are often afraid. Our God saves us when we release ourselves to him.

And that brings me to the following poem; The Inlet and the Beach.

The Inlet

The Inlet flows out,
Minnows school,
A Jelly fish swims by.
The water’s deep as
The current strengthens.
Fast moving vortexes
Twirl about.
Life, abundant life,
Moving to and fro.
Amazing life, in
Harmony with God’s plan.
With purpose, living,
Growing, dying, living.


The Beach

The high water mark
Reveals all that has died.
Cheap sunglasses, hinges rusting.
Broken reeds, broken shells,
A dried up crab…two!

The sea has rejected
That which it no longer needs.
What no longer lives,
The living sea throws out
What once was alive
And is now dead.
It will not relive as it is.

In Jesus,
We who were once dead
Are now alive.
Forever living by
His love, his grace.
The sea is living, the beach is dead.
No wonder we cling to the water’s edge!

Phil Brady

Saturday, March 8, 2008

The Circle of Life

I would like to tell you about Bob. Bob is my lovely wife Patty’s brother. I have listened to stories of Bob and one story in particular has given me a great idea. When Bob turned 40, he ran forty miles on his fortieth birthday. I was impressed. Now he didn't run 40 miles all at once. He got up before the crack of dawn and he ran about 10 miles before breakfast.

He had a good hearty meal, cooled down and then took off around 9:30 and ran another 6 miles. By Noon, he had run a distance of 16 miles. In the early afternoon, he took a short nap, handled a few errands and took off on another 10 miler. At ten o'clock that night, Bob was running and by midnight he had accomplished his goal of forty miles on his fortieth birthday.

Now his family thought he was crazy, insane, out of his tree for wanting to run forty miles in one day at the age of forty. I didn't think he was crazy. I saw Bob's vision. I saw the power of multiplying 40 with 40, the exponential power of stacking numbers. It causes forces, which are rarely understood to align for a release of energy greater than the input. It’s like all the planets lining up and pulling their gravitational fields together. The mind, body and spirit connect and not just with a slender thread but a wide pipeline to exchange information.

Just because we cannot explain something doesn't mean we cannot take advantage of it. Bob understood this and he was able to capitalize on it. I have thought about Bob's achievement and it has inspired me to do the same. I want to seize this power of aligning numbers to achieve my full potential. I have set a goal for myself and I want to share this goal with you.

But I’m not turning 40, I’m turning 50. On my Fiftieth birthday, I’m not running 40 miles. On my Fiftieth birthday, I am going to Krispy Kreme and I am going to eat 50 doughnuts. That’s right, 50 doughnuts!

Now I am not going to eat them all at once. I am going to start off with a dozen… and a half gallon of milk. Then I am quietly going to doze off in a sugar coma and have a nice nappy. After the initial dozen and doze, I may eat a half dozen with a cup of coffee. I will walk around the building and maybe go to over to the mall for a few minutes. It's going to be a great day!

I was telling a friend of mine about my plan and she said, "Let me know what day you're going to do this and I will come by and have a doughnut with you." Many other people have said the same thing. Now my big concern is traffic flow in and around the Krispy Kreme. Do we need a shuttle service from the mall? This thing is growing exponentially. Do you see the numbers at work?

Now I can't just go to Krispy Kreme and sit down and eat 50 doughnuts. This takes strategy. It takes training. Strategy is the pacing. How many per hour? How many bites per doughnut? This is not a place for children or the weak.

As I begin to train, I may start off with a dozen a day and work up to eating two to three dozen a day. This is really a summer time sport but I need to do this in January so training, diet and exercise need to be planned for the winter.

I hope you will wish me well in my quest for the fifty on my Fiftieth. You are all invited to come to Krispy Kreme on South College Road on January 5th, to join me in one of the sweetest pleasures of life. If there is something better than a Krispy Kreme doughnut, frankly I don’t want to know about it!

Now what have I really been talking about? What is the message here? Is it about doughnuts? It could be? Is it just for fun? It could be that too. But it could also be about taking an event that many people do not want to think about and anticipating it, celebrating it, looking forward to it. I hope to create (in my birthday extravaganza) a way to rejoice in the things we cannot stop, like aging.

To make fun what is considered ordinary or what we consider a “reluctant milestone”. This brings me to my slogan for next year, “I'm damn near fifty and I've got the empty doughnut boxes to prove it!"

As the milestones come in our life, let's prepare and embrace them with gusto! Let's look forward to every day, every birthday.

· Don't despair about what you didn't do.
· Reflect on what you did and what you have learned.
· If you do that, what you didn't do is now what you have left to do.

Life is a gift. It is a sweet gift to be savored.

And so is a doughnut.

Footnote: I wrote this in 2001 a couple of years before turning 50. My wife and I had lots of fun talking about this “speech” I gave to my Toastmasters International club. When I turned 50, my lovely wife Patty threw me a surprise birthday party at Krispy Kreme with a “cake” made up of 50 doughnuts of different colors and toppings. We all wore the paper Krispy Kreme hats and it was great! Phil.

Old Bricks and New Bricks

[Prelude. This message was given in my church, Covenant Moravian Church, Wilmington, NC in June, 2007. Our church has recently completed a building program to provide a new fellowship hall for our congregation. We also were between pastors and my fellow board members and I were taking turns giving the Sunday message.]


Today I want to talk about Unity in our church. I intend to do this by talking about old bricks and new bricks.

When our church was in the early stages of our last building project, I came over here one afternoon with a hammer and a chisel and removed some of the bricks which had been the steps to our old fellowship hall which was scheduled from removal. I removed these bricks because they have sentimental meaning to me.

Now about a dozen of those bricks occupy an honorable place in our garden. They hold up garden pots and provide a foundation for various planters. I like the fact that these old bricks are around our house.

I want to tell you what makes these bricks important to me. These are the same bricks that my parents trod across thousands of times coming to church, to Sunday school, to dinners and chores around the church. I carried my own children as babies into the church up those steps and across these bricks and years later followed them down those steps as young people stepping out into the world.

I walked across these bricks one day in April of 2000 and met my lovely wife Patty. That happened in our old fellowship hall which a few years ago; was disassembled, had wheels re-installed under it and was hauled away. Some of our members bid farewell to that old fellowship hall with joy and some of us bid farewell to it with tears.

It wasn’t just an old building; it was a structure of our church’s history and to me represented memories of the members who over the years have passed through it. Many of the members who helped bring that building into a reality have passed on to their eternal reward. Many have moved on to other churches in other towns and states. The congregation which started that building is no more and that congregation was replaced by another congregation which built the original version of the building we are in now. A good portion of the congregation which built this original building has also moved on to their reward or moved to other churches.

Now we have another group of people here today who are new to Covenant. They (in a sense) are the new bricks and represented by the bricks from the batch which encloses this newly renovated building. This new group of members and the ones yet to come will be a part of this new congregation for which our most recent building project was intended to provide.

So here we have two kinds of bricks; the old bricks and the new bricks. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am an old brick. Recent members to our congregation and those yet to come would be the new bricks. Now here is the question, “How do we get the old bricks and the new bricks to bond together to be the church God wants us to be?” That’s the question isn’t it? How do we embrace one another and stick together?

Fortunately, the scripture can help us.
Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:
1Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, 2with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, 3being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
4There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling;”
Paul tells us to act in a manner worthy of being followers of God. To be humble, gentle, patient, tolerant and show love for one another.
In Matthew 7, the gospels says,
24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock.
25"And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.
26"Everyone who hears these words of mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.
27"The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell--and great was its fall."
If we follow Matthew’s advice, we should act in unity so that our church’s foundation built on love can withstand the pressures of storms and remain whole, remain one.
In Colossians 3: 12-17 we hear;
12”So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;
13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
14Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.”
Here Paul is reminding us we were chosen to be God’s people and of our responsibility to be compassionate, kind, humble, gentle and patient. He goes on to instruct us to forgive one another “just as the Lord forgave you”. Finally Paul says to put on love “which is the perfect bond of unity.”
There are perhaps many mixtures for old bricks to be bonded to the new bricks. I am not a brick mason so I don’t know the compounds used but bonding mixtures can cement the old to the new so the foundation will be strong.

For us as Christians, we are called to stick together, to be united, to love one another, to forgive one another and to let the “peace of Christ rule in our hearts”.

Over the next few months our church faces great change. We will be getting an interim minister to work with the church board and minister to us as a congregation. The board will be talking to congregation members to listen and take note of your concerns, your needs and your desires for our church.

Our new building project has been completed.

The bricks and mortar of the building are set fast.

Now we must set the bond between of our fellow brothers and sisters.

We must hold fast to one another in a bond of unity.

The mortar we will need to use to bond to one another is love.
Amen. Thanks be to God.