Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Burnt Toast!

“Here’s to those who wish us well…and all the rest can go to”…Well! Probably not a good toast! In fact, anytime cursing is in a toast it’s not appropriate. There are other faux pas in toasting and I want to explore them with you.

As members of Toastmasters International, the public speaking club, we are expected to deliver a good toast. We rarely have this opportunity but people expect this of us. The world assumes we are masters of the toast so we have an image we need to uphold.

Think about some of the toast you have witnessed and the locations where they occurred. Weddings, retirements and celebrations for other milestones of life are times when we have toasted someone or heard others toasting.

According to Rabbi Marc Gellman, “A wedding toast should be egoless, true and brief. Most are exactly the opposite.” The point of a wedding toast is to wish the bride and groom well and ask God to bless their marriage. There is no need to tell the dirt of the lovely couple. Don’t say, “David, remember that time in Tijuana when we partied with three sisters all named Juanita?” The groom doesn’t want to hear that anymore than the bride or even the Juanitas!

Toasting is where toastmaster skills come into play. Write out the toast completely. Even if you memorize it, write it out and keep it on the table in front of you in case you need it. If you rely on your memory, you may lose the best part of the toast in the heat of the moment or your brain may cause you to extemporize at the last minute missing your well crafted points. Rabbi Gellman suggests one half page of text (14-point font) as the limit for a toast.

When I married my lovely wife Patty seven years ago, my son was the best man. I think he still is! As the best man, he was responsible for offering a toast at the reception when the Champagne was served. I want to analyze young Phillip’s toast;

First, he introduced himself to the room full of guest,
Then he welcomed one and all to the reception,
He welcomed Patty into our family,
Turning to Patty’s family, he said, “Our family is honored to be joining the Mills family.”
Finally he asked everyone to raise their glasses, “To the bride and groom!”

That’s my boy, a chip off the old block. It was a great toast!

Sometimes we don’t see great toast. Sometimes we see bad toast.

I remember going to a wedding where the groom’s brother stood up to give the toast. To say the boy was drunk doesn’t accurately describe his condition. The young man was tore up! Slurring his words, leaning left to right, hanging on the groom and the bride he went on and on. Then the crying started along with personal testimony of how they took him in when no one else would and that he didn’t blame them for kicking him out later on. Burnt toast! Bad toast!

Once I attended a wedding and the father of the groom got up to give a toast and began to get philosophical about his boy and how proud he was of him even when he and his mother didn’t always agree with his choices. Didn’t agree with his choices? Let’s just take the bride outside and kick the crap out of her right now! I grabbed a butter knife off the table in case we had to fight our way out of the reception. We survived but it was close!

For a good toast, preparation is essential.

The key points of a good wedding toast are;
“A wedding toast should be egoless, true and brief.”
Plan ahead. Write out the toast completely.
Introduce yourself and your relationship to the bride and the groom.
If you are speaking for the family, welcome everyone.
Wish the bride and groom well and ask God to bless their marriage.
Finally, I think it is okay to be instructional by saying, “Ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses To the Bride and Groom!”
Honoring the occasion and those being celebrated is what a good toast is all about. Careful planning and sober execution is needed for such occasions. Following these tips can help you honor the celebration. Raise your glasses and toast well!